“Normal" or “Excel"?
One night last week, after dinner, we gathered in our living room, as usual. My husband and big son played guitar while my daughter and my little son played peekaboo. I was simply watching them all.
At one point, I asked my kids about the highlights of their summer, as a way to help them hardwire happiness. Then we moved on to the next question: What would be your theme word for the new school year?
“Excel,” my son said. He had been being on the Honor Roll in the past few years and was motivated to maintain that standard, so his answer didn’t surprise me. But when my daughter gave her answer, I was puzzled.
“Normal,” she said. It didn’t seem in line with her nature — she is an achiever, like me.
“What does that mean, honey?” I asked.
“It means I have nice teachers, good friends, and good grades, Mom,” she elaborated.
Oh, that’s her “normal”, I thought. I finally got it. But her answer has been echoing in my mind since, making me reflect on my past nine years. Interestingly enough, they’ve been cycles of “excel” and “normal”.
At 32, I was at the height of my career as the Head of Employee Happiness at the biggest e-commerce company in South East Asia. A year later, overwhelmed and exhausted by the crushing work demands and discounted as a young mom, I quit my dream job and became a stay-at-home mom. After a year, our family moved to America, I still found myself filling out paperwork as “a housewife” when registering our children for school.
When I finally my work permit, I set up my own company and became my own CEO. “Excel” gradually returned, amid drop-offs, pick-ups, grocery shopping, cooking, and solving sibling quarrels — amid the long to-do list that kept our household afloat alongside my husband. Just 9 months after embarking on a new career, I became an official member of the Forbes Coaches Council. Two years later, I was named one of Business Insider’s most innovative career coaches. A year after that, I was a semi-finalist for Forbes’ Next 1000, recognizing small businesses still thriving through Covid 19.
As life unfolded, we found our dream house in the suburbs of New York and moved there. I got pregnant with our 3rd child, and entered another “normal” period. Two years it was. I prioritized a joyful pregnancy and pleasant motherhood during my son’s first two years, and slowed down on everything. At work, I only focused on serving clients and writing a book in my mother tongue (Vietnamese so my mom can read it).
Now, two years later, here I am, feeling deeply happy. I’ve been working with ambitious, growth-oriented, yet balance-seeking and purpose-driven women (mostly mothers) who want to transform their careers and also up-level their happiness. I do this quietly as most come to me via referrals from friends or ex-clients. My book is finally in a shape I feel comfortable with, and well on its way to finding a home, one that will bring it to the world with love.
It’s been quite a ride since that summer when I hit “send” on my resignation email just before we hopped onto a taxi to the airport for our family vacation to Hanoi. Looking back, I love my “normals”. In “normal”, I learnt to enjoy simply little things in life more and look deep inside — deep enough to hear my inner calling and gain clarity. In “normal”, I was in touch with needs otherwise buried under the urge to be hyper productive and constantly successful, sometimes driven by my achiever nature, sometimes by human survival instinct, and sometimes by cultural norms. In “normal”, I grew and realized further what truly mattered, while never losing my vision for the beautiful and fulfilling life I desire to have.
In “normal”, I am grounded to “excel”.
Are you in your “normal” or “excel” period now?
P. S. While I have been away on Medium for some time now, I still write for my Happier YOU Letter. Subscribe so you don’t miss any scoop of happiness, delivered to your inbox, with much love and passion.
